Paging Sleeping Beauty


Where IS an enchanted spindle when you need one?

Like at 3 am?

Because after a week of truly awful sleep, I would not mind sleeping for 100 years. You know, just to take the edge off.

(*Nic note: When talking about fairy tales- which I have not once, but twice, just typo-ed as “farty tales” #BrainFatigue- I will always reference the Disney version, and not the original, Brothers Grimm version, as the original tends to be, well, grim. FYI.)

I have not been sleeping well, Chronics. Instead of staring at the back of my eyelids, I have been staring at my ceiling. The fact that I have the word “Relax” plastered up there isn’t helping, so much as taunting me. For whatever reason, I just can’t, Ceiling, ok? Jeez. My body is tied up in knots, and those knots hurt. My lack of sleep is quickly leading me to an unnatural level of empathy with 4 year olds who throw temper tantrums in grocery stores:


I feel your pain

Being tired and being fatigued are different. Tired is a sensation that leads to sleep. “Yawnnnn, I’m so tired,” is what you say right before you snuggle in with your stuffed elephant to go on an 8-hour trip to Dreamland. Fatigue is what you get when nights of not sleeping have compounded into a perfect storm that is now eating away at your brain cells. That’s ok, synapses, I didn’t really need you to be sending out any messages today. Go ahead, take the day. No, the week? Sure, go ahead.

Sometimes sleeping doesn’t even help. This is where Chronic Fatigue problems set it. You sleep and you sleep, but the fatigue never goes away. The quality of your sleep is zero. Your brain just doesn’t get the memo to recharge.

This is what I wrote in my journal about what fatigue feels like:

“{Today I have} the kind of fatigue that is so deep in your toes that you get nauseous from the effort to hold up your own head. Where the thought of your bed brings on such deep and heartfelt longing, as you are sure that once you get there, you will dive beneath the covers and into the pillows like you are diving into a deep, cool pool where the water envelopes you and you feel as though you are one with the element. Only, once you get there, you become excruciatingly aware of random bits of yourself that you never gave thought to- the sharp edges of your elbows, the hulking weight of your shoulders, the impossible pressure of your kneecaps holding your muscles in. It’s like living in a world where you are aware of gravity, where you can feel it- every ounce of force acted on your body by the atmosphere is holding your head below water like a bully who takes his game too far…”

So, you know, yucky.

I want to be her:


But what I really am is him:


A bummer side effect of beta blockers is that they can cause or aggravate hypoglycemia (low blood sugar). As I already have low blood sugar, I fall into the “aggravate” category. I always eat right before I go to sleep, but if I am awake for a long stretch in the middle of the night I need to eat something in order to keep my blood sugar level. If I don’t, I get all sweaty, have palpitations and dizzy-fainty feelings, all of which I spend all of my waking hours trying to avoid. So I have crackers next to my bed, and if 3AM turns to 4Am turns to 5AM, I am snacking away in a desperate attempt to avoid symptoms.

Funny story, I developed this habit when I first started beta-blockers way back in 2009, and my midnight-snack of choice was Rice Krispie treats (pre-no gluten, those suckers have barley malt in them! You are RICE, friends, you are SUPPOSED to be safe! UGH!) in those crinkly blue wrappers. My sister came home from college for break, and the first night, I was up, munching away. Meanwhile, Sissy was wide-eyed in her own room, wondering WHAT ON EARTH all those weird noises were. Because, of course, the monsters under the bed bring snacks when they come to scare you =)


I would actually really like these at 3AM, or you know, now…


I’m not really sure where I’m going with this. I feel like maybe I don’t have the brain power to have an actual point today.

Really, I just keep thinking, when the Prince kissed Sleeping Beauty, how did he know she wasn’t in the middle of REM sleep? Because interrupting a cycle can be really detrimental to one’s health.

And what if she was having a really good dream? I mean, personally, I wouldn’t want to be woken up if it meant that I wouldn’t get to find out what happens…don’t you just hate that? When you are just about to find out the meaning of life and your dog bursts into your room and jumps on you all “Let’s have breakfast now, pleeeeease.” It’s really frustrating.

But I guess if I had actually been able to get restful sleep for 100 years (one can only assume that magic fairy sleep would be the restful kind), maybe I wouldn’t mind. Maybe I’d like waking up, and then I’d sing to birds and mice, too. Perhaps I should cut myself off here, as now I’m just mixing my Disney Princess metaphors.




The original Morning Person

My plan for the weekend: figure out how to get back on track with my sleep. Anyone have any good bedtime story suggestions? Have a great weekend, Chronics, and sweet dreams to you all ❤


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