Glasses are awesome.
Besides the obvious reason of helping me, you know, see, my glasses are a (semi)permanent accessory; a way of further expressing my style.
At least that’s how I see it. (So punny!)
I’ve always loved glasses.
Our initial appointment with an ophthalmologist was intended only for my older sister; however, when I heard that she might get to have glasses, I may have slightly exaggerated the amount I was squinting to see my own classroom chalkboard.
(Because we had chalkboards back then, kiddos. The first whiteboard didn’t show up with its dry-erase markers until I was in 8th grade. I’m pretty sure I was done with school before this whole “smartboard” nonsense started.)
Really, only slightly.
I probably could have gone another 6 months without my eye sight bothering me, but I wanted glasses toooooooo.
And glasses I got.
My first pair:
Please don’t laugh, darlings. These were the greatest thing ever to second-grade me. I was the first kid to get glasses (that I remember) and so for about five seconds those blue-green frames bought me some street cred. Kids didn’t start to be meanies until about 4th grade, so I was safe for a while.
Oh, but then! How I hated those bright, gem-colored frames!
It was too late to go back now, though. My hereditary near-sighted-ness was setting in fast. There was no escape.
Turning 14 was a big deal for me, in that in addition to a life-altering medical condition accelerating my maturity level, my parents finally agreed to let me try contacts. At the time it was the best thing ever. I had recently discovered neon eye shadow, and nothing puts a damper on Day-Glo like glasses obstructing the effect.
I wore contacts all through high school, only using my glasses on lazy days where I was too tired to bother. It’s funny because by high school, nearly everyone is wearing some sort of corrective lenses or has reading glasses. And yet we all hide it! If one of my friends wore her glasses to school, the rest of us knew to watch out, she’s either sick, exhausted, or has been crying over her no-good boyfriend all night.
If only we had realized how awesome we could look! The number of styles and colors and shapes is astounding. Now, of course, you can get great deals online, so it’s not such an investment to have a pair anymore which means so.many.options. I now know two people who have bright purple pairs, and they are so fun!
Post-high school, my glasses and I got reacquainted because a rather annoying symptom of POTS is an inability to retain water. Your body kind of needs water to make things like tears, which lubricate those pretty little windows to your soul. If your eyeballs are raisins, you do not, I repeat, Do Not, want to be sticking tiny pieces of non-breathable plastic into them. It will get stuck. It will hurt. You will have to use half a bottle of eye drops to loosen and safely remove that sucker. Sounds like maybe I know from experience, yes?
So my glasses and I started spending more quality time together out of necessity, so what? Its not the Why that matters, Chronic readers.
My glasses Renaissance/epiphany (contacts=hurt, glasses=no hurt) luckily coincided with the popularity rise of the “Hipster.”
Hipster: a person who follows the latest trends and fashions.
(This is the simplest definition I could find. In true hipster fashion, even their definition of themselves is a never-ending manifesto)
Hipsters gave rise to this look:
Suddenly, everyone wants glasses! Glasses make you look smart! Looking smart is really cool! Five Below sells plastic frames, either with clear lenses or even completely lens-less (which is kind of weird, just sayin’).
When I went to my annual exam last year, my ophthalmologist asked if I wanted to try contacts again. My tear ducts are starting to remember that they are supposed to be functioning, and with new “breathable” materials available, I might be able to find a (semi)comfortable pair. I said I’d think about it, and headed over to Costco post-appointment to peruse some frames.
I happened to find my current pair, and I fell in love. Contacts can wait.
The optometrist who completed my glasses order asked if I was a “hipster” and laughed. I was a tiny bit offended. I felt a tiny bit like I was selling-out, using my near-blindness to buy me a little piece of a pop culture “in”.
And then I got over it.
Because I think my glasses are great for me.
Plus, the fact that they are thick and plastic happens to hide the fact that my lenses are a quarter-inch thick.
(Without them, the world is one big Impressionist painting, my friends!)
Is it an added bonus that the Little Mermaid and I apparently have the same taste in eyewear? Most definitely.
But even if all the Hipsters move on to something else, and glasses go out of vogue, I think I’ll still stick with my frames.
After all, one would think that having four eyes is better than two, n’est pas?
For your viewing pleasure, please watch this clip of Hipster Disney princesses singing about their Hipster-ness. It makes me giggle so much and I hope it will do the same for you: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1yPfmRoSfpA Also, I just realized that this clip happens to be 2 years old today, which means that you’ve probably already seen/heard about it, if in fact, you are a Hipster. Therefore, I will hereby market it as vintage so that perhaps, you might watch it again.
Some of my favorite celebrities and characters who wear glasses: Tina Fey, Stephen Colbert, Rachel Maddow, Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp, Zooey Deschanel, Harry Potter (duh!), Marilyn Monroe’s character in How to Marry a Millionaire, Clark Kent (Superman!), Rachel Leigh Cook in She’s All That (she could have totally worn those quirky frames to prom!), Velma in ScoobyDoo, Mia Thermopolis pre-makeover in The Princess Diaries, Abigail Breslin with her grandma frames in Little Miss Sunshine, and Ralphie in a Christmas Story.