Hello Chronic Readers! Happy Tuesday!
I’m in a particularly chipper mood today because Saturday was my birthday. We had a crazy white-out blizzard-ish thing here, so I didn’t get to go out, but that’s ok. It was super cold and yet lovely all the same.
(I describe the storm as blizzard-ish because is anyone anywhere allowed to use that word if you are not in Boston? Because that is snow that they have there. The rest of us just have frozen water.)
As my birthday is in February, I tend to use it as a New Year’s do-over, as birthdays are also a good time to resolve stuff.
Now, I did write a post about how this year I gave up on New Year’s resolutions and resolve to not pressure myself into any unrealistic expectations.
I still totally plan on doing that.
Perhaps instead of resolutions, birthdays are about reexamining.
Personally, I am not where I thought I would be when I turned 26. I was that way-too-type-A kid who was all, “By the time I am 25 I will have my whole life figured out, will have discovered the cure for cancer, found the solution to World Peace, and have a killer wardrobe of power suits!”
Come to think of it though, in an ironic twist, I didn’t actually plan anything for after I had single-handedly saved the world by my 25th birthday. So technically, maybe I am where I thought I would be when I turned 26– that is to say, in no place in particular at all?
Hmm. Perplexing thought.
The point of my re-examining post-birthday is at the same time ridiculously simple and horrifically complex-
I am boring.
No really, I am.
I eat oatmeal for breakfast every day and everything.
Life on paper and life in real time aren’t really the same thing.
Me on paper: Blogger, etsy shop operator, medical transcriptionist student, exercise maven (I feel like that should be an official title you get once you start to exercise with any sort of consistency), doggie butler (because really, aren’t we all?).
Me in real life: I spent 10 minutes staring at the ceiling willing it to tell me what to blog about this week. I have my day planned out to the ½ hour- as in I do basically the same thing every day with little, if no, variety.
In improv comedy terms, I don’t say “Yes” enough.
Not to go bumbling down a side street of thought, but somewhere in my chronic illness journey (probably near the early middle-ish part), I decided that “predictable” was the only possible way for me to live. That made sense at the time- there will probably be a time in all Chronics’ lives where predicatable = survival and that is not a bad thing.
But what about after? What about when that part is done or, you know takes a break for a while? I never really thought I’d get to a place where I could even say the word “spontaneity,” let alone put it into practice.
(*Disclaimer/Nic Note: Spontaneity does not mean jumping out of an airplane. I will never, ever, ever do this. I get that this is the first thing a lot of people think about when they hear the word spontaneity, but I am so not talking about that. I’m talking about stuff like “Maybe I’ll go to the movies on a Wednesday for no reason.” Just so we’re clear. I’m taking small steps to lasting change, not having a lobotomy, mmmkay?)
So what now?
I have absolutely no idea.
You see, I don’t do this very often…
At least not yet.
Step 1: Entertain the possibility of change.
Oh hey, Change! Sure we can hang out. Want to listen to music or something?
Step 2: Recognize what your comfort zone is.
Have you ever seen the Family Circus cartoon where the little kids run all over the neighborhood and their steps are tracked in dashed lines? I am that kid, except it’s the same every time. You could trace the steps I take all day, every day.
Step 3: Take a teeny, tiny step outside that comfort zone.
Yes, I also feel this way.
*This step has not yet been checked*
Which is, of course, why I need to do this more often.
So this is my big resolution/re-evaluation for my 26th year:
Cross your fingers for me, would you?
I would absolutely love to hear your thoughts about this! Have you ever dealt with trying to break out of your routine/comfort zone? How did you do it? Have any suggestions of fun, chronic-friendly ways to mix it up a little? Let me know!