Sorry to have been MIA, Chronic readers! I went out of town and managed to forget every power cord to every electronic device I brought with me- from my electric toothbrush to my computer. It was really quite the feat of brain fog. I’m back now though, and all charged up!
It has come to my attention that I have Resting Sick Face.
You may have heard of the internet meme “Resting B**** Face.” If not, read this: http://www.cosmopolitan.com/lifestyle/news/a41460/struggles-women-with-resting-bitch-face-understand/
Resting Sick Face is meme-able, I promise. It’s a combination of concerned, nauseous, and slightly overheated. I looked diligently through my photos to try to find evidence of this, however, I’m really good at only keeping photos in which someone has informed me that my picture is being taken, and so instead I am making Active Pretty Face, which is much more socially acceptable.
I totally have it though, and it is an Affliction.
In much the same way that ladies with Resting B Face are perpetually told to smile and are often felt to be stand-offish, Resting Sick Face comes with its own unique challenges.
“Are you ok?”
“What’s going on, Nic?”
“Drink your water, like, now.”
“Did you take all of your meds?”
To which I look up, relatively surprised, and respond, “Yes, nothing, ok, yes. Um, why?”
“Because you look like something’s wrong with you!”
13 years of Chronic Life will do that to a face?
I guess this is just my face now, as unfortunately, Olay does not make a cream for this.
I guess the root of Resting Sick Face is that a lot of the time, there is quite a bit of internal shuffling going on in my insides. It is my understanding that non-Chronic people are not nearly aware of their automatic bodily functions as a person with a broken autonomic system is.
For instance, can you feel your blood pressure? If someone asked you what you thought your heart rate is right now, would your guess be accurate? I am accurate within 1-2 points on both fronts, because my internal systems are LOUD and they have let me know for the past 13 years exactly what they are up to, all day, every day.
So, yeah, I guess that would show up on my face.
As you can imagine, the more this gets pointed out to me (Thanks, Mom), the more I dislike that this is my face’s natural position. I do not want to look worried or pained all the time. I have one giant crater of a wrinkle right next to my eyebrow that I can do nothing about because I am going to guess that I would be the 0.01% who is allergic to Botox.
Is there Resting Happy Face? Who are these people and what are they thinking about? Though, full disclosure, I’m a Northeastern city girl. If you have Resting Happy Face, chances are I will cross the street to avoid you, weirdo.
Maybe there is nothing I can do about Resting Sick Face. Perhaps someday, my insides will quiet down just enough that I can settle into a life of Resting Everything’s-Fine Face. Or maybe I should make a new life goal in which I cultivate Resting Serenity Face. Like, you know, how people look when they leave yoga class or a meeting with the Dali Lama or something.
What can you do if you find yourself in the presence of someone with Resting Sick Face?
Well, it’d be nice if you politely inquired if everything is all right, especially if you don’t know the person, because it might be Acute Sick Face, and it’d be nice if you could help them out in the event of a heart attack or something.
But if you know the person and ask 25 times a day if they are ok, they will simply shift into Active Annoyed Face.
In that case, go about your business.
Or, you know, feel free to tell a joke, if Resting Sick Face bothers you, because no one has Resting ~Anything~ Face when they are laughing.
For instance, What are you if you are in the bathroom and you are not American?
European. (You’re-a-peein’…get it?)